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| Caleb during an EEG for his epilepsy. |
Motherhood calls for tough situations to handle, but holding a lifeless child in your arms takes the cake. Caleb was just 2 years old when my dad held him in his arms and the shade of blue in his skin darkened to purple. This was the worst yet, as he seized and did not breathe for about 5 minutes.
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| Holding them close. |
This past Thursday, I heard a thump upstairs and loud, muffled screaming. I ran to find my baby boy face down in his crib, arms at his side. I lifted his ragdoll body up and this time watched his blue lips revive to a rosy flesh. Later that night, I held my sweet angel on his right side in the hospital crib to finish out his baby book worthy 2nd seizure.
He stared right past me as he shook ever so slightly. I whispered in his ear, "Mommy's here, baby boy, momma's here. It's ok. It'll be over soon."
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| Smiles with Daddy after a long night. |
These moments are terrifying and draining. They remind me that these kids are everything to me.
They are life. So they can be pains in the arse to raise sometimes, testing just how much patience I have at every moment...yet, I will do everything I can to ensure they not only survive, but thrive. It's my God given role. So I sometimes have to watch my boys leave life, make their way back and act like nothing happened. I'm a mom who understands that I'm not in control, God is.
Today's prayer: "Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with the lives of my sweet Chloe, Caleb, and Conrad. Just thank you."
Britta, that was so poignant. It not only brings me back to the dozens of times I've felt that way in the past, but the really recent, and indeed, present pains I still suffer over my children at ages 24 & 22. It is endless, but non-the-less, a significant part of what it is to be a mother. I feel for you.
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
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