SECRET TOOTER CONFESSIONAL



Chloe's 1st Halloween, 10 years ago.
When I was a sIngle mom.

There's a tap on my shoulder as I peruse toddler costumes in the Halloween store.

"This is going to be one of the wierdest things in a really long time," says the cashier who has snuck up on me from his post in front of the store.

"Um, ok," I say, thinking I may be the 100th customer and am going to win a bloodied, multi-headed zombie baby with red blinking eyes.

"Well, when I was in 8th grade and you were in 7th grade, I had a locker on top of yours and I used to fart on your head."

Ok, I just received the information, yet I myself have been transformed into a head cocked, wrinkly foreheaded, cross eyed zombie. Someone has actually stalled my ability to respond with some quick-witted comment.

"Uh, I don't remember smelling it," was the best I could come up with.

"Well, I just wanted to say sorry for doing that. I was just a dumb kid and I've always felt bad about it. Each time I see you around town, I think that's the girl who's head I used to fart on and have always wanted to apologize."

"Yes," I say, then look to his name tag, as I have no clue who this person is, "Well, um, Tyler, like you said, this certainly is the weirdest thing that has happened to me in a long time. I guess I should thank you? Ok, thank you?"

Awkward silence. And why are you just staring at me with a bazaar grin? Talk about spooky. Dude, get out of here. Like really, stop staring at me.

I attempt a deflect, "Do you have Ewok costumes for toddlers?"

"No, we have tons of Star Wars, but no Ewoks."

"Hmpf," not really winning at this store am I? "Again, thank you."

"Take care, now," as he pats my shoulder like a puppy dog, "Let me know if I can help you with anything else." 


Caleb's 1st Halloween

Today's prayer: "At our last bible study, we discussed, 'What you think about me is none of my business,' as some character attacks occurred this past week. Hopefully, Tyler concludes this lesson's  topic. Although I'm not perfect, You know my heart and that I try to say & do things with You in mind. Thanks for the laugh while teaching the lesson that I am better off not knowing everything. What a relief!

And, it just has to be said: please, please do not let my kids become secret noggin tooter confessors 20 years too late."