SUMMER LOVES (gag me)

 

"Kaaaaaate, your boyfriend's leaving!"

Chloe giggling, asks, "Do you know what a boyfriend is, Caleb?"

"Yeah. It's when the girl plays that game and runs and gets you and then you're her boyfriend."

What the...??? I can't believe she just tagged him, told him he's her boyfriend, and that's it. I don't care if they're 5! So, Caleb and I had a wee chat about what harlots are at bedtime.


I love you. Wanna chicken bone I found?

Two down, one to go. Chloe comes in late from playing outside with friends. I'm in the bathroom readying for bed as and I tell her to jump in the shower. She comes in and begins undressing.

She turns the water on and says, "Mom, Nolan and I were totally flirting today."

I gag on my toothbrush like I used to do when I was pregnant. At one point I didn't brush my teeth for 5 days and could smell my own breath and would puke. Squirrel, sorry.

"Uh-huh."

"Well, he, like got wet in the sprinklers and had to go home to take a shower to warm up and came back with his hair all done. And I like said to him, 'your hair looks sooooo good like that.' He wizzed by on his skateboard on one leg, and said 'thanks, I know what you're thinking.' I said, 'you do?' 'yeah, you think I look hot.' I just laughed. Then he was going to put his helmet back on and I yelled, 'Wait, Nolan, don't do it yet. I like your hair like that and want to enjoy for a minute!'"

Gimme anything to make her stop talking! I know! I'll gag myself with the toothpaste tube, oh, wait, there's an Issey Miyake perfume bottle, no...the shampoo! Wait ,will that fit in my mouth? Gotta puke, make her stop! Why is she still talking? After I can stand the sight of her again, I look back at her.

Now completely naked, she throws her hands through her hair, does a couple mini jumps from leg to leg and says, "Mom! He's the cutest boy in the 4th grade and...He. Likes. Me! I can't believe it!" She takes a quick peek in the mirror to see what she looks like. Giddy, Happy, and Brace Faced.

There is 2 hour old sushi rising in my throat. Hold it down, Britta, hold it down.

"The good thing, Mom, is I didn't know if I liked him because I thought I was taller than him, but guess what? I'm not! I totally had him come over and we compared. So, I like him, too."



I think she is taller.



So let me get this straight...my son just gets told that he's a boyfriend and my daughter is basing her first boyfriend off height. Now I know why they need me and why I need the Lord.

Today's prayer: "Oh my God, yes, I can say that because I'm calling you! Please, please help me. I am NOT ready for summer loves! I wasn't ready when I had her, the middle one, or this lucky lil toddler to my right, so I'm just letting you know I'm definitely NOT ready for them to be married, dating, flirting, crushing, or likewise. I know I complain about my car not fitting enough kids, and now I know why...you just don't want them to have boyfriends and girlfriends yet! Thanks for watching over me, I know you always have my back."