"HAVE TO" TORTURE

"Chloe, I was thinking about taking you guys to the Scottish Festival this weekend."

"Mom, do you hate us?" Eyeroll to the right.

"No, I just like to torture you." Bam...momma's quick.



Payback for Opa's torture on me.

 Remember having to do the things you absolutely hated to do? You had to go to church. You had to go to school. You had to practice piano. You had to do homework. You had to be quiet. You had to run errands. You had to clean your room. You had to say please and thank you. You had a bedtime. You had to wait for a non-school night for sleepovers. You had to take a shower every night.
 

37th Anniversary this month!



Good Lord! There were so many have to's and as an adult I'm glad to have had the parents who guided me. Two people who had no clue what they were doing, somehow understood the balance between affording boundaries and allowing leeway.



So, now I'm on the flip side doling out the have to's and it's all because I want to...it makes for quality kids.



Today's prayer: "Lord, I am so grateful for my mom and dad. They mean everything to me. I wish to be a quality parent like each of them. And I pray for those who did not have what I had. I pray you step in and guide them to be the parents they should, ones who torture their kids with spiritual roots, education, and culture."



TEETHY TIMES (Last 48 hours)

 

You think I make this stuff up?



Conrad: Face smash, tooth into lip.

Caleb: Dog teeth marks on right bun.

Chlo: Tooth nailed by plastic screwdriver.

Caleb again: Escalator teeth eat shin.

I chat with Caleb as I unload the shopping cart. A lady drives toward me in the parking lot, teeth unseen due to oval shaped mouth.

Uhhhh-uhhhh-uhhhh. (Onomatopoeia for her facial expression).

Ding! (Onomatopoeia for the light bulb in my head).


I still love my mom, even if she can't keep up.



I turn. Conrad has rolled 3 parking spaces away. He's heading full speed backward and toward the main intersection, the cart now vibrating with speed wobbles. He could slam into a parked car, tip over, or worse yet, get hit by a car in the next three seconds. Yet, the seven pearly whites he's grown shine through the biggest grin you've ever seen. He's having the ride of his life, even though his life could be over at any minute because of my temporary lapse to be able to everything at once. 

Caleb yells, "that's so fricken' funny!" (Still workin' on the trucker mouth).



Discovery: When I slip, I slide.

Our children are victims of impulse. The impulse to do and to discover cause and effect often leaves bumps, bruises, and missing chompers. It is my job to protect them as best I can, and sometimes I fail.

As Nick Jr. says,  

"we're not perfect, we're parents."



 Steps to Discovery:



1) DO I DO IT?

2) I GOTTA TRY IT
(Chloe doing front flip off 8 ft. waterfall)

3) I CAN DO IT!
(Note: Helmet)




Today's prayer: "Thank you for my keeping my kids' teeth in tact so far, as You and I both know how many should have been gone by now. I'm secure knowing you are watching when I cannot."





There's always tomorrow.

DISCLAIMER:



I swear I use safety items.











ALL GROWN UP

"Mom, when will I be a daddy?"

"Well, first you have kindergarten, then you have high school, then you go to college, meet your wife and then you have babies."

"And then you'll be a gramma...old, but all grown up."

In the perfect parental plan we have for our kids, they have a lot of work to do until their own child bearing years, and we have everything to do with it. So, today I am celebrating the small achievements my children have made, thanks to us, Chloe's dad, and all our extended families. It has taken a village, a whole lot of patience and eyerolling...but we have accomplished some major things!

1) Conrad says "ah dahn" when he is finished with his meal, instead of the tray slapping food fight we're used to dealing with when he wants out.

2) Chloe has great manners, as I was told twice by different people in the last week.

3) Caleb's hasn't gritted his teeth and screamed through them in 48 hours, instead he is using his words.

So, these are big deals! It means Conrad will know how to excuse himself on a date, Chloe will know how to be polite when meeting her future in laws, and Caleb won't be a wife beater and need court ordered anger management classes.

Today's prayer: "Lord, I repeat, repeat, repeat things like 'use your words' and 'did you say thank you?' I go insane sometimes feeling like a pea brained parrot. My prayer is they will bring the communication skills, manners, and respect for others we're trying to instill into their adult life and future families, especially when when I'm all grown up and a gramma and need my buns wiped."

SUMMER LOVES (gag me)

 

"Kaaaaaate, your boyfriend's leaving!"

Chloe giggling, asks, "Do you know what a boyfriend is, Caleb?"

"Yeah. It's when the girl plays that game and runs and gets you and then you're her boyfriend."

What the...??? I can't believe she just tagged him, told him he's her boyfriend, and that's it. I don't care if they're 5! So, Caleb and I had a wee chat about what harlots are at bedtime.


I love you. Wanna chicken bone I found?

Two down, one to go. Chloe comes in late from playing outside with friends. I'm in the bathroom readying for bed as and I tell her to jump in the shower. She comes in and begins undressing.

She turns the water on and says, "Mom, Nolan and I were totally flirting today."

I gag on my toothbrush like I used to do when I was pregnant. At one point I didn't brush my teeth for 5 days and could smell my own breath and would puke. Squirrel, sorry.

"Uh-huh."

"Well, he, like got wet in the sprinklers and had to go home to take a shower to warm up and came back with his hair all done. And I like said to him, 'your hair looks sooooo good like that.' He wizzed by on his skateboard on one leg, and said 'thanks, I know what you're thinking.' I said, 'you do?' 'yeah, you think I look hot.' I just laughed. Then he was going to put his helmet back on and I yelled, 'Wait, Nolan, don't do it yet. I like your hair like that and want to enjoy for a minute!'"

Gimme anything to make her stop talking! I know! I'll gag myself with the toothpaste tube, oh, wait, there's an Issey Miyake perfume bottle, no...the shampoo! Wait ,will that fit in my mouth? Gotta puke, make her stop! Why is she still talking? After I can stand the sight of her again, I look back at her.

Now completely naked, she throws her hands through her hair, does a couple mini jumps from leg to leg and says, "Mom! He's the cutest boy in the 4th grade and...He. Likes. Me! I can't believe it!" She takes a quick peek in the mirror to see what she looks like. Giddy, Happy, and Brace Faced.

There is 2 hour old sushi rising in my throat. Hold it down, Britta, hold it down.

"The good thing, Mom, is I didn't know if I liked him because I thought I was taller than him, but guess what? I'm not! I totally had him come over and we compared. So, I like him, too."



I think she is taller.



So let me get this straight...my son just gets told that he's a boyfriend and my daughter is basing her first boyfriend off height. Now I know why they need me and why I need the Lord.

Today's prayer: "Oh my God, yes, I can say that because I'm calling you! Please, please help me. I am NOT ready for summer loves! I wasn't ready when I had her, the middle one, or this lucky lil toddler to my right, so I'm just letting you know I'm definitely NOT ready for them to be married, dating, flirting, crushing, or likewise. I know I complain about my car not fitting enough kids, and now I know why...you just don't want them to have boyfriends and girlfriends yet! Thanks for watching over me, I know you always have my back."

DIVORCE

When Chloe reached about 3rd grade, the relationships of her friends' parents began to crumble. As a result of seeing this, one night Seth and I wondered who of our close friends would and would not make it, as the odds are stacked against all of us at 50/50.

Much to our dismay and error in judgment, our first of close friends have decided to separate. All us adults have our opinions, but what really matters here is what's going on with the children. Chloe's especially concerned about her friend and often brings it up.

I point blank asked her this evening, "How do you feel about it?"

"Well," as she rubs her fingers together and slouches back into the couch, "I'm really, like, confused and it feels like I'm in a dream, like it's not real." She adjusts slightly into an upright position and points to her head, "Like I'm sitting here knowing it's happening and think that I am sleeping."

This is so profound to me. She expresses the inability to apply emotion because divorce to a child is simply too complex to understand. Kids are naturally emoting beings, they throw in anger, cry in sadness, and jump in joy. For a child to sit or carry on and say they have no feelings about it must mean something.

Chloe is a product of separate households and has been for 9 of the 10 years of life, so I ask, "If you would tell her anything, Chlo, what would it be?"

"I'd tell her to stay out of the middle of them, that's the worst place to be."

Today's prayer: "Lord, I pray for all divorced parents, separated parents, and especially the children of these households tonight. Please make them whole by finding you. Allow each to lay in your arms tonight and provide them with a reassurance of security, being loved, and having thoughts unclouded by emotion. Give the parents divorcing the knowledge and strength to keep the children as far away from the middle of them as possible. You hate it, but know it happens. This is a group of people who need it most right now. I also pray for the friends of those divorcing, like Seth and me. We, too, are unsure of how to act, who to call, what to say, if anything. It is a confusing thing and time and we turn to you for guidance and closure as we and their children love each."

THE SQUIRT

I went upstairs to change into some sweats after a long day last night. We have friends visiting from out of state so I yelled all morning to keep the house clean at two little beings that don't yet understand English commands. I now resort to saying all commands in espanol as it seems to be more effective. I highly recommend it.

Commands in the Spanish language are just one word, whereas we have 2 to 4 depending on what you're requesting of your offspring. !Sientate! (Sit down) !Vente! (Get over here) !Dame! (Give it to me). The Latino efficiency and my harsh gringa/germanic accent work well together in obtaining the result I want: A kid to do what their mom says.

This is totally beside the point of my story (squirrel).  



Gotcha!



Baby's asleep and I walk down, comfy and ready to eat a nice dinner with our friends. Chloe runs up to show me the new ring good ole Uncle Andy has bestowed upon her. A dime size circular lime green plastic ying yang coy fish ring. I take a closer look and am about to facetiously say, "Wow! That's cool! When you punch somebody, you'll leave a fish on their face!" Before I could say the word "punch," darn thing squirts a stream of water in my eye! Chloe starts laughing so hard, I blink a couple times, my face stoic and mute. She danced around at my misfortune, and slightly bugged I surrendered to her accomplishment and giggle. She's just like her mother.



Today's prayer: "Fish face, fish eye. Thank you for erasing the annoyance and letting the humor fly."